Vulnerable

I went through a bit of a dry spell the last couple months where I was having a hard time putting thoughts together and certainly putting them down on paper. My journal looks like something out of scrapbook with random thoughts jotted down in random places in hopes that something would formulate out a word or phrase. And maybe at some point they will when I look back upon them. As I meditated on it, it seems that feeling vulnerable is still is something I am working on. Why? Being vulnerable means to share or reveal something that another could see as a tender spot, use against you or try to hurt. And I know that thought process comes from past experiences of being vulnerable, probably just around the wrong people. At the same time, being vulnerable can be releasing and rewarding. I am working toward more of those experiences. So as I continue to meditating on this, why would I still feel vulnerable in a sea of millions of people on social media or the Internet? How can that be? I have lived most of my life in a private way. Anybody who knows me will say I don't share too much of "me" in my life - family- sure, work - yep but about me - not so much. For many reasons that is just how I have lived. Almost a year ago I finally came to the conclusion that living that way did not keep me protected but kept me confined. If you see my post Walls Up, Walls Down I talk about that more. But it would be a leap of faith and trust to begin sharing and be vulnerable. For years I lived privately in my own thoughts and feelings. Many times I longed for one person to see behind my facade and say to me "I get it" or "I see what you're going through". Of course my stubbornness to be private overrode my quest for courage to share and reveal my thoughts and feelings. So why become vulnerable is such a large platform and a very public place? Why share a story or thought knowing any person can rip it or rip you apart at a whim and never know who? And that is just it. Being vulnerable isn't just about opening up and revealing something about yourself that somebody could tear apart, it is knowing that even if somebody doesn't like what you have to say, you will survive and thrive. The message or thought just wasn't meant for them. And if sharing a thought or a story helps even one person, a thousand rips to the same thought or story are negated. That's the power of sharing and being vulnerable. So in the days and weeks to come, I'm sure I'll have some Rubber Band Change days but I will keep at it. Not try to keep at it, I will keep at it. I will be vulnerable. I will share. ~ChaCha

#Vulnerable #Sharing #Private #Release #Courage